


Gastronomical

by starkind



Category: Batman (Movies - Nolan), Batman - All Media Types, DC Cinematic Universe, Iron Man (Movies), Iron Man - All Media Types, Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Alternate Universe - Fusion, Crossover Pairings, Crossovers & Fandom Fusions, Inspired By Tumblr, IronBat - Freeform, M/M, One Shot, Prompt Fic, Silly, Tumblr Prompt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-12
Updated: 2016-07-12
Packaged: 2018-07-23 15:05:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 710
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7468323
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/starkind/pseuds/starkind
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's the third date night in a row and Tony's not having it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Gastronomical

**Author's Note:**

> Short, silly, and inspired by the awesome human beings from http://otpdisaster.tumblr.com/ (I love this site!) and their prompt: 'Your OTP a hero/villain duo making in-depth dinner plans whilst kicking enemy ass. Person A keeps rejecting every restaurant B brings up.'
> 
> (This one basically wrote itself; that's why it's typo-prone and totally redundant)

Iron Man raised both his hands mid-fight and fired. His target exploded in a fiery ball of metal and debris. Seconds later, Jarvis pulled up several approaching crosshairs in the distance. A deep look of concentration then settled between Tony's brows behind the faceplate.

“Nobu 57.”  
A disdained snort inside his comm.  
“So not.”

A dark shadow whooshed past his head and aimed for a gigantic metal claw coming his way at six o’clock. Tony grumbled into his HUD. “Stay on your side.” He watched the Batman make use of his grappling hook to gain altitude in between the narrow street canyons, cape floating. “Stay alert and I will.” Iron Man barrel-rolled underneath him until he was at eye level with the caped crusader.

“No sushi leaves meat. My vote goes to Red Robin. No pun intended. Get it? You got that?”  
  
They separated the instant a new volley of missiles came flying their way. One grazed Tony's left shoulder but did not do damage to the exoskeleton. Bruce's patience, however, was starting to run thin. “Your taste buds are even more off than your aim today. Focus now, goddamnit.”

 _“Bru-cie's cur-sing.”_  
Stark's singsong voice was met with a low and barely restrained growl.  
“Brucie's going to kick your ass himself if you don't pay attention to what's happening here.”

Tony ignited his jetpack boots and pivoted through the air, taking out six mechatronics at once. “I'm hungry, how's that my fault? These friggin' killer robots always show up at date night.” Frustration evident, Iron Man charged up his laser weapon. The emitters sliced through at least a dozen enemies at once. “There we go. Ivy Shore it is then.” From where he had somersaulted onto a lithic gargoyle, the Batman shook his head.

“Forget it. I'm never setting a foot in there again after last time.”

“How long are you gonna reproach me for that!? I was _drunk_.”

“Precisely.”

“We both know damn well drunk me is basically like regular me, only twice as honest.”

“And ten times hornier. That poor chef's retinas probably still burn up to this day.”

“Why, you're no fun, B. I feel like you don't even wanna go out with me anymore.”

“Watch out at three o'clock!”

Before the Dark Knight was able to parry and counterblow, Iron Man simply raised one of his hand repulsors and fired sans looking. Their attacker blew to pieces, scattered remains raining down. Unperturbed, Tony continued gesturing with his other hand. “My final offer is Olive Garden, otherwise I am gonna go looking for a new boyfriend who treats me right and feeds me well.”

The Batman did not reply. Instead Tony watched how he hurled himself onward onto a nearby roof, to move into a flawless sequence of straight body punches and kicks, hard left hooks, spinning elbows and uppercut combos that diminished the small, remaining fleet of enemies. With no machine left, the Dark Knight turned to face his iron companion, chest slightly heaving.

From where Tony casually stood aside, he moved to give a whirring round of applause. Visible part of his face unmoving, the Batman walked over to the edge of the roof. “How about we stay in and I get to cook? You've never even used a single item in that kitchen.” The sound Tony Stark made in the back of his throat hovered between incredulous and delighted.

“You don't... 'cook'. You're _Batman_. What would that even be? Justice served with a side of vengeance?”  
The eye roll that followed was distinctive, moreover audible, and even got through the thick gold titanium alloy of Stark's helmet.  
“C'mon, at least crack a smile. That one was really good.”  
  
Without an answer, the Batman threw himself off the rooftop, memory cloth cape buzzing with electricity as it fanned out. Tony tutted behind his faceplate but hurried to catch up, repulsors ablaze. “You're going to get Swiss Chard and Lemon Ricotta Pasta, you're going to eat it all up, and you'll be positively surprised.” Speeding through the evening skies side by side, Tony's grin morphed into a lewd one.

“Square deal. As long as I get to take care of dessert.”

Stark then whistled an awfully crooked version of 'Yummy Yummy Yummy' all the way home.

 

**Author's Note:**

> Song mentioned by Ohio Express (1968)


End file.
